I have been fighting it all my life basically. I only decided this year to finally do something about it. I feel I've waited way too long.
At my doctor's suggestion, after scoring a 29/32 on the HAM-D scale, I agreed it was time to finally do something about it and tackle the beast.
I started Buproprion, also known as Wellbutrin, back around Feburary. I started at 150mg bid, now I'm up to 200mg bid. It seemed I had almost something similar to "breakthrough pain" on 150mg. Now it seems I am mostly okay.
I have very much good days now. My motivation is a bit lacking, but it's slowly returning. I finally feel I can do things again. I feel functional for the first time in a very long time.
That's good news. Depression killed my college career.
I've been learning to handle traumatic events better as well. A friend of mine on Mastodon, Natalie, died in September. I was torn up for two weeks. It actually coincided with my dosage increase, so I think I took it even harder.
The change from the dosage adjustment came shortly after.
I broke up with Erin a few weeks ago after deciding she wasn't right for me and it was never going to work out long-term; we are very different people, and I had to focus on myself. And honestly, I can say the breakup has been a lot less hard than I thought it would be. It sucks, but I feel like I can honestly say that life goes on.
A week ago, I discovered Raynes (who had helped test one of my bots on IRC and was someone a lot of us loved on Interlinked), had died in a car crash last year. I was torn up for a few days, but I've found it easier to handle it than Natalie despite being closer.
I finally know what it feels like to be okay.